The Lokpal Bill for Dummies – A Hilarious Take on the Lokpal Bill

This is the story set in the 21st century in India.

The people of India elect a bunch of morons every 5 years, who then rule over them. The elected morons are all powerful and no law can touch them. Even if the law touches them, the magical morons can wriggle out of any situation as they are all powerful. In 65 years of independent India, for about 50 years, a group of morons with a big powerful HAND have been ruling India. The current leader of this group is an old wise man, Manu. He is only the face of the group. The real power is Lady Pasta who controls Manu with a stick, known as the spanking stick. Everyone is afraid of the spanking stick. They say the stick makes no sound and leaves no marks. And Manu being old, is thinking of retiring after 3 years. He does not have the guts to go against Lady Pasta and take a spanking. His bum will not be able to withstand the spanking. Who wants to lead a life where you are not able to sit comfortably even on a throne and sleep on his stomach every time he sleeps. He has led a good life till now and does not want to spoil the rest of it.

Morons who lose the elections are given loudspeakers and drums. Their job is to create confusion and noise when the elected morons try to do some work. It does not matter if they agree to the work that the elected morons do. Their job is defined as use the loudspeakers and drums to create confusion and that is what they do.

The elected morons with the HAND control the house of wealth. Here they can sell anything and everything that India has. They have managed to sell some waves of the air and have lots of money. With the house of wealth in control, they are all powerful. They have access to the muddy field of moneybags where they play football. The field of moneybags is actually property of the Indian people, but no one cares. The muddy fields of moneybags is actually a ground with lots of mud called corruption mud with an equal amount of diamonds. As elected rulers, they can play in the mud and when the game is over they take the mud and the diamonds that stick to the mud and their sweaty bodies home. They do not care to wash the dirty clothes after playing in the mud because the more the dirt on their clothes, the more dirtier their body, the more diamonds stick to them.

Long time back, a good guy called Shanti Bhushan decided that since the diamonds belonged to the people of India, the members of the house of the wealth should be made to have a wash and also wash the clothes after playing in the fields of moneybags. The diamonds should be returned to the moneybags field. He got a purchase order for a basic model of washing machine for washing the clothes and a shower room for the members after a game in moneybags. He also made a handbook with rules on how the fields of moneybags can be used and how anyone disobeying the rules be held accountable under law. But the members of the house of wealth kept the Purchase order and handbook hidden so that they could continue looting the moneybags fields. Many years passed and people forgot about the purchase order and handbook.

Suddenly arrives the main protagonist of this story, a frail old man called Annu. Annu was in the army and is a man of principles. He has decided to be a bachelor his entire life and work for the good of the people. Seeing that the muddy fields of moneybags has become more murkier, the small diamonds all siphoned off. Now there are big diamonds that stick to the muddy bodies. The rules of the game has changed. He knows that the Purchase order is hidden somewhere and finds it. On finding the old purchase order he knows that the older washing machine will have no effect under these conditions. The shower room should also be more modern. He wants a new purchase order to be made. One which has a powerful washing machine that cleans every dirt from the sweaty, muddy clothes of the ruling morons who play in the fields of moneybags and a better and modern shower room. He wants everyone to have the same rules when they play in the moneybags fields. Even the leader Manu will have to undress and wash his clothes when he returns from the field. He wants to change the nature of the corruption mud to be changed so that it is not so sticky.

This is not acceptable to the ruling morons. They have been living a lavish life because of the diamonds. Their power is derived from easy access to the moneybags field. This would have not been acceptable to the opposing house BHAJAPA too if they would be the ruling morons. But since they are the house of loudspeakers and drums they have to make a noise and they start making a noise and create confusion.

Annu gets an army of people supporting him. He goes on a fast. Anyways with years of army training and working in his village fields, food is not so important. Farmers in India are supposed to grow food for others and are not supposed to eat it. In his old age, he can go on for days without food. Manu has to back off and agrees to look at getting a new Purchase Order made. But then Madam Pasta is playing her games and Manu does not agree to the purchase of the new washing machine and shower room. Who wants to be spanked?? It is back to base one.

Being cornered, Manu unleashes his dirty rats on Annu. A rat comes back and says that he has seen some corruption mud on the backside of Annu’s undies. It is a 2x2 inches patch of corruption mud and has some birthday cake stuck to it too. And another interesting observation made is that the undies are orange in colour with a sword emblem on it. The rat had x-ray vision and could see through Annu’s dhoti. Bachelor Annu has celebrated many birthdays (some in a wild way) and wonders how this corruption mud got on his undies. He, being a bachelor boy, does not take off his dhoti even to wash his undies and has never seen the colour of his undies. He starts wondering about the mystery of the 2x2 inch patch of corruption mud on his undies.

But then army life has taught him to keep fighting till his last breath. You take bullets on your legs but still march ahead. He again decides to go on a fast. One person eating less in India can motivate all Indians to get the new washing machine and shower room installed. He wants to fight till the end. But Manu will not allow him to begin his fast.

The story continues… Wait for more…